Sitting down with a nebulous, not-quite-existing... er... something isn't easily described.  For instance, I am here today with the Nexus.  Yes, that's right.  The Nexus.  We are sitting in a little cafe with coffee and cakes.  Don't ask me how the Nexus is sitting with coffee.  It just is.

Figuring this to be an entirely rare opportunity, I open the interview with a brilliant observation, a question to end all questions:  "So, uh... you're the Nexus, huh?"

"Huh.  I suppose I am.  Keen."

For some reason I can't fathom, the Nexus sounds like Eddie Izzard.  I don't comment on this peculiarity, just ask the next question. "Rumor has it that you ate our spotlight candidate for this month.  There are also numerous instances of individuals accusing you of swallowing people whole, moving them around at whimsy, removing their clothing... how do you feel about this?"

"I can't bloody well feel, now can I?  I'm the fucking nexus! Can you imagine?  Eons of power at my incorporeal fingertips, constantly restyling the fabric of space time that binds the worlds together, dressing and redressing and undressing beautiful women day in and out...and I can't feel it.  I'm up to my neck in a whole big pile of not feeling.

"So, I'd say...  pretty good!"

I take a sip of my coffee and the Nexus does the same.  Apparently, the Nexus likes its coffee black.  Or is it cream and sugar?  Maybe it's mocha.  I try to ignore the urge to ask such a comparatively simple question, and dive right to what's on my mind: "So, what was your favorite undressing experience with those beautiful women?"

"There was one in particular, she was an Amazonian.  An Amazon.  An Amazonian amazon.  A big girl, if you will.   Maybe she was a man, but you just don't go checking under the hood when creating a wardrobe malfunction for all the world to see; it's bad form, terribly rude, worse than Roseanne Barr before a ballgame in San Diego.  Thank god this is on the internet, the kids might have to Google that reference, and I hear there are a lot of youngsters around here nowadays, being all young, running about, throwing bits of things at one another...  what was the question?  Or are we moving on?"

"Moving on..."  Then I pause.  "You know, Rosanne hasn't really been in the spotlight much lately, has she?  Wonder what happened to her..."

"I dropped her south of the city, about eight years ago.  She's presiding over a small monarchy wherein she commands a particularly strange army of three-legged goblins.  Roseanne and the Tripods.  Now there's a band for the universe to get behind."

"The name's catchy, if nothing else."  I nibble on a cake, then try to get back on track for this article. "So, hey, speaking of rulers... what did you think of this last election?"

"We had an election?  That's bloody great!  I know that this is a land of monarchies, many flags, a bevy of queens and princesses and kings and emperors and demi-gods, though I have noticed an alarming lack of viscounts in Rhydin.  Democracy works best when practiced with voters.  I wish him or her or the furry or scaly or subcutaneously viscous it a fine go of it as the mayor or the president or the chief financial officer or what have you."

There's a pause, then the Nexus finishes, "Unless, of course, he or she or it is some sort of a prat, in which case, they can go back from whence they came!"

That makes total sense to me.  I gesture to the coffee. "Good, isn't it?  I think it's imported."

"Imported, yes.  Pulled that through here yesterday, actually.  Sumatra, from Peru!  Not to be confused with Peru from Sumatra.  Sumatra.  Is that even a word?  Do you ever feel like a bit of tosser when you order coffee in this place?  'Hallo?  Nexus here.  I'd like the Sumatra in Grando Venti with skim foam and three pumps.'  Makes the whole business of facilitating intergalactic travel look easy.  Oh!  Do you know who I miss?"

"Tell me," I say, and appreciate the coffee I'm drinking even more.

"The spacers!  Where did those little monkeys jet off to, then?  They used to accesorize better than anyone, with the helmet and the gloves, and the tech all over their handy little belts.  We get a great deal of cell phone users, but nobody with coms or blasters anymore.  Charming lot, them.  Wish they'd come back and do something about the vampires.  They'll eat us right out of a democracy, you know.  Like political termites.  If you suck, you support the Red Party, but not like... hammer and sickle red."

"You know, that is an interesting thought.  And hey, have you noticed that we have vampires having babies now?  Like they aren't undead, pulse-less beings?  I wonder if it's some kinda mutation..."

"They are!  But, everyone is having babies, and it happens fast around here.  I suppose that's what happens when you are whipped through the fabric of space time.  You know you are going to die young here, so everything goes faster.  You meet a girl and in two months, you marry her.   Buy a house quick.  Form your fiefdom right quick.  Poof!  Now there are serfs!  But, you can't have a lack of clarity in a fiefdom; the serfs get all wiggly.  You have to keep them in their place through inheritance, and who inherits better than the vampires?  Nobody, I tell you.  So, yes, babies, though really, who would go through all of that when you can just bite someone and make them your spawn?  Wacky formerly mortals and their ideals!  Maybe I would vote red, were I little more corporeal."

"You must have seen a lot of things over... uhm, eternity.  Got any favorite moments?"  It's a lame question, but what the Hell am I supposed to ask a non-corporeal being of omnipotence?  Then again, the Nexus is proving to be rather charming, kind of chatty company.

"Gotta remember, not having feelings, it can be a little difficult to have favorites, can it not?  Having said that...I am still a sucker for an underdog.  I love it when your proverbial Daniel walks right back out of the lion's den, or when the scrapper gets the girl.  Every time that happens again, I think I would smile (if I had a mouth, and the appropriate muscle groups in my face)."

"Oh yeah.  Forgot about that non-feeling thing."  I finish my coffee up. "So, d'you have anything to say to the citizens of the multiverse, while we wrap this up?"

"What is true on the world is true in the Nexus.  If you say it, or write it, it might come to pass, so please, citizens of the multiverse, for the love of all that is full of holes (which is nearly everything of value, if you really start to think about it), be gentle with me.  Oh, and you lot drink too much.  And watch out for those tripods, they bite."

There's a pause, then the Nexus asks: "Are you going to eat that?"

"No, you go ahead."  I stand up and smile, then turn to head to the door.  But then I stop and glance back. "One quick thing more... where's Tass?  D'you know?"

The Nexus didn't smirk in reply, what with being all non-corporeal and all.  Just gobbled down the rest of the cake and was gone.

-- Steff Watson
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Encylopedia Rhydinica
GreaterRealms